OIKAWA: Habromania

➳ Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x Fem!Reader

➳ Warning: One-sided love, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST (๑◕︵◕๑)

➳ Summary: Habromania - noun- delusion of happiness

➳ A/N: It's the sad emotions for me. (˵¯͒⌢͗¯͒˵)

Song: "Some Say" Nea

❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

She smiled softly as her fingers sifted through his dark brown hair. It was soft, like touching clouds. A sense of warmth bloomed in her heart as he shifted slightly on her chest. She giggled as his hair tickled the tip of her nose. She was happy. Happy. Content. Content with this. With him. Whatever it was. She buried her face in his hair, smelling the waft of cherry blossoms, a light citrusy smell enveloped within. She took a deep breath, memorizing the scent as if trying attaching herself with the scent. The scent of her comfort. And happiness. She sighed, as she rested her face on his head. He squirmed on her, lookup, nudging her head of him.

"You're sighing a lot." he murmured, looking up at her with sparkling brown eyes. She rolled her eyes, jokingly, pushing his head back down.

"Nothing much."

"Really?" his voice was muffled in her chest, sending a vibration through her body. Her heart fluttered. Crazily. A small heat made its way up her neck. She whacked the back of his head, softly, as he let out a small 'hmph'.

"Of course I am, Crappykawa. Now shut up." She laughed as he whipped his head in shock, an outraged expression plastered on his face, but his eyes glowed. It was beautiful. His eyes. They were breath-taking. Every bit of her happiness, her joy, her comfort lay in those eyes. Those beautiful eyes. She felt herself getting lost in them. In happiness. The warmth continued to spread as continued to watch his eyes, glitter, and glow. He really was a star. Her star. Her everything. He just didn't know it.

"Don't call me that, Y/N-chan, Iwa-chan already calls me that." he pouted, resting his chin on her chest. She lightly tapped his nose, letting out a small 'boop'. He scrunched it in return, sticking out his tongue.

"Because it suits you." she teased, "Crappykawa."

"I'm not crappy you guys are just rude, Sakura doesn't call me that." he continued to whine, as he rested his head back on her chest.

"What does she call you then," she asked, "Beautykawa?" She giggled at the thought of the name. Beautykawa. It really did suit him. She looked down fondly as he pursed his eyebrows in thought.

"No, she never makes fun of me. Only you guys do."

"Really, now?" she joked, raising her hand in defense as he gave her an incredulous glare as if saying 'Of course not'.

She chuckled. Of course not. She had thought, much like the rest of the volleyball team, that this girl would be the same as the rest. Would be the same as the ex's who exploited his giving personality and charm. Just a pretty face. But, they had come to find out that maybe she was different. Different. And perfect for him. Where his past exes were cruel, she was kind and thoughtful, often bringing snacks to practice. Where his exes were oblivious to his feelings, she was attentive. Aware that he was more than the fake smile he had plastered on his face. Indeed, Y/N thought, she really was perfect for him. She remembered the tight clench of her heart as if someone had physically grasped at it. But, she smiled. She smiled at Oikawa. At the girl who had come into his life, kicking her out. She had no say, why would she. She was just his friend. Just one of the boys. Just someone else. She really didn't mean much to him, not in the way her heart yearned for him. No. He had made it clear, on multiple occasions that there was nothing more than platonic between them. Nothing more than friends.

But she was okay with that. She was content, with just these moments. These small moments that make her believe that one day that he would come to her. Yet, it hurt. It hurt so bad. Oh god, it how it hurt. The sharp tugs as Sakura jumped in his open arms. The forceful prods as he gave her a small peck on the cheek. It hurt. The pain was almost unbearable. Almost. But, she was okay with it. She just had to believe in it. That hurt. That it would be worth it in the end.

She had tried, many times, to forget. Forget him. Forget the large bridge that lay between them. But, it was hard. Hard looking at other guys and looking at him and knowing— being fully aware— that he was enclosed in another's hold. That he was kissing someone else other than her. That those eyes, those beautiful eyes, were shimmering for someone else. Even his scent, his usual cherry blossom scent, wasn't his own. Not anymore. The citrusy scent clung to him, no matter what. Another agonizing reminder that he was not hers. Not now. Not ever. It will never— much to her sorrow— be her arms he comes into. She would never be the one to comfort him, with kisses and caresses. It will never be her. Never. But, she was okay with that. She was okay. She was perfectly fine. She was—

A tear dropped down her cheek, landing perfectly on Oikawa's head. He groggily looked up, eyes fluttering open as he took in her tear-filled eyes. He fell off her, as he sat up, landing with a thud on her room's floor.

"Y/N?" he anxiously asked, looking at her, "Did I hurt you. Are you—"

"I'm fine." she croaked out, tears flowed down her cheeks as she gave him a smile. "I'm okay with it."

Yes. She was okay. Okay with it. With everything.

"Y/N," he stressed as tears poured down her face, "Y/N." He sounded scared, her voice wavered slightly, He looked confused. And worried. He grabbed at her heart again, digging her nails into her shirt.

"I'm okay with it, Oikawa," she whispered, looking down, unable to stare into his eyes. Unable to look at the glimmer and remember it wasn't her that brought him that. She wasn't the one giving him happiness. Comfort. She was selfish. Taking and taking yet, unable to give anything back. Unable to even give him a drop of the joy he gave her. Oh god, she was so selfish.

"With what, Y/N talk to me. We're friends, right? You can—"

The word echoed in her head. Friends. Oh, how so cruel. One word. Friends. That she was. All she would ever be. Friends. No, tears poured harder, and she let go of a sob that had gripped her throat. It hurts. It hurts soo much. It hurts.

"I'm sorry, Oikawa." she whimpered, "I—"

Her voice cracked, she couldn't speak. She couldn't do anything. But allow the sobs to rupture from her chest. From her heart. She didn't know why. But it hurt so goddamn much. Why. Why. He was only one person. Why—

"Why does it hurt so much?" she sobbed, gripping her throat as words poured out, "Why. Why."

"Y/N, you're scaring me," he whispered, backing away a bit. "Do you need anything?"

Yes. You. Next to me. You. To be mine. Forever.

"Are you okay?"

Yes.

"What do you want me to do."

Tell me, that one day you'll love me.

"Nothing." A small smile plastered on her face, as wiped her face. "I'm sorry. I'm okay."

"No, you're not. Y/N. You're crying, how is that even a bit, okay."

"I know. I know, Tooru. It sounds soo stupid but," she looked down, she couldn't look at him. Not when she was like this. A mess. "I believe in that hurt."

"And it's okay. I'll wait," she whispered the last part, bringing her knees to her chest. She'll wait. Forever, if she had too.

"You'll wait for what. Y/N talk to me. We're friends, so please..." he trailed off as a familiar hum rung from his pocket. He angrily shuffled in his pocket, muttering a few curses as he pulled out his phone. And she watched, her chest hurting more, as the anger vanished from his face. His brows uncreased and a light spark flickered in his eyes.

"Its Sakura." he mumbled, hesitating to press the 'accept' button. She watched as his face conformed into one of pain. It gripped her heart tighter than anything else. No. No. She couldn't give him happiness, not even comfort, but she would not give him pain. Not pain. She rubbed her eyes, giving him a fake smile.

"Take it Crappykawa," he paused, looking at her in shock, opening in his mouth in protests, stopping when he saw the expression in her face. The pain. The hurt. "Or else, you really will be crappy." She gave him another smile, the biggest one she could conceive.

"But,..." he looked down at the phone and back at Y/N. She gave him a firm nod, waving him off.

"Go, go Oikawa, you don't want to keep your princess waiting, now do you?" she teased, but it came out dry. He gave her a small smile, his eyes sparkling quietly as he looked back to the phone, pressing the button.

"Hey, Saku-baby," he spoke into the phone, looking back once to wave Y/N a small goodbye. He mouthed, thanks, before softly closing the door. She heard the echo of his footsteps as he walked down the stairs and crossed the living room to the front door. She felt herself loosen a breath as the front door shut.

She let herself go, the smile dropping the second she knew he wouldn't come back. Her chest dropped as a notification pinged on her phone. Through the blurry tears, she read the text.

From: Crappykawa 💝😍

To: Y/N ❣❣❣❣❣

Get well soon.

She read the text, a tear dropping on her phone. She felt a pang in her chest and another tug as her phone buzzed again.

From: Crappykawa💝😍

To: Y/N ❣❣❣❣❣

💝

She tapped on his profile, fingers shaking as they hovered over the block button. She could block him. Give him space. Give herself space. But, she couldn't do it. She couldn't take such a big step. Not now. Not when her heart fervently yearned for him.

She tapped quickly on her phone, then chucking it across her bed. She buried her nose in her arms as curled into a tight ball.

It's okay. I'm okay. Its all okay.

Okay.

You have changed Crappykawa💝😍 to Oikawa.

It's going to be okay.